Where has November gone!? Totally missed making a week 21 post and barely squeezing in this week 22 as today’s the last week 22 day!
How do I feel?
Sooo much better in general! No more nausea! Finally!! Still tired, but not as much as before.
It’s mind boggling that we are more than halfway there! Been feeling a wee bit overwhelmed because it seems like we’ve barely done anything to prep for the baby. I was looking at Baby Registry sites and it hit me that I know SO LITTLE about babies! Making the Wedding Registry was fun because we both had an idea about things we wanted for our first place together (what were necessities, what were nice to haves, and what were our pie in the sky items [ex. Vitamix!! which we did not get haha]), however with the Baby Registry I truly have NO IDEA what it takes to raise a little one. Eek!
In addition, there’s been a few moments here and there when I start worrying again about the baby. I used to think that when I could feel her I’d have less anxiety because I’d get a little kick now and then that lets me know she’s still there. But now that I feel her every day, I worry during the times when she’s not moving. Is she still okay?? The doctor said around week 28 I should be able to feel movement more consistently and we can start kick counting then, but all this anxiety made me think once again that there will always be things to worry about, and really I need to practice EVEN NOW putting everything regarding my baby into God’s hands.
Overall though, the moments of anxiety are few and mostly I’ve just been very happy. SO happy. Especially with Kenny haha. I’ve been feeling so grateful for him and I’ve been trying to enjoy this last season of just us for a LONG time (Lord willing!) as much as I possibly can. Also we recently heard some exciting news… can’t share yet, but so thankful for the community we’re sharing life with!
What’s God saying?
The one area I feel like I’ve been preparing fairly well in though is my walk with God. I feel like knowing our little baby is coming has made me focus on getting in shape spiritually. Like I better start building up my walk NOW before life takes on such a major change.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to live a lifestyle of worship and to practice the presence of God (shout out to the Kairos days when we studied Brother Lawrence’s Practice of the Presence of God… even if I was super irresponsible and didn’t read all of it! Side note… when I told Kenny this he was like “that’s pretty bad. You’re never going to find a Christian book shorter that that one.” Sigh. My irresponsible college days!!).
What would it look like use every single part of my day as worship to God? What would it look like to spend every single moment in communion with Him? How much more joy, freedom, and peace would I have if I truly spent every moment communing with Him?
Short tidbit about Brother Lawrence… based on what people told me haha (though seriously, just read his book– it’s not that long and I just might do the same over the holidays): Brother Lawrence was a cook in a monastery. Now I don’t know much about monastery hierarchies, but I’m guessing this means he wasn’t at all a big shot, just a humble cook. Of course he was a monk, so that’s gotta be saying something, but I’m not picturing him as the spiritual all-star of the monastery.
Basically, Brother Lawrence’s whole deal was that he strove to spend all of his time focusing on God and communing with Him throughout the day. As he grew in this practice, he came to the point where set aside times of prayer were unnecessary to him because he communed with God just as much during those set apart prayer times as he did when he was preparing the food or washing the dishes.
This is what I want in my life. So what if I’ve now (by God’s grace) been able to set apart consistent devo times at night? Big hoot. That’s such a TINY amount of time. It’s not enough!!!
I’m also blessed to witness this in part in Ms. A’s Christian life. What comes to mind is a funny memory (and a telling one!), but one time Ms. A told our Program Manager she’d shred all of his confidential documents. We’re talking BAGS of confidential papers that he had been stashing. As she sat in my office with the shredder, she started praying aloud as she was shredding. “Jesus, make our lives like this basket– overflowing with blessings!” as she emptied the shred basket out. She even prayed for the machine when it overheated and stopped working haha.
Another example that comes to mind is a friend who was telling Kenny how to improve his coffee. As He extolled the Hario Coffee Grinder (he said it would make Kenny’s french press 4x better lol), he also shared with us about a friend who wrote a liturgy to recite every morning as he made his coffee. (Ex. “I crush these beans as Your body was broken and crushed for me.”) Again, comical, but this is the kind of communion and constancy I want to have in my life!!!
Lord, give me a greater desire for Your presence. I want to live life aware of and in constant communion with You. I want my whole life to be a life of worship to You. So help me, Lord. For I cannot press into Your presence on my own, and my flesh will fight it as much as I want it. Give me more of You in my life.
“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”