“It’s been a wild ride thus far my love! God is deserving for us to not take any looks back and have any regrets or fears. He’s calling us to see each day as an opportunity for us to receive and share His extravagant love. There is so much time, but very little at the same time. His Gospel call is urgent and we must answer with faith and obedience. I am so happy I get to do THIS life with you.”
Amen!! Happy 3 years, KMY!! They’ve been amazing <333
M: Todd White (evangelist K’s been listening to) is ruining your life!
K: Yeah and my flesh hates it haha.
M: No actually Jesus, Jesus through Todd White is ruining your lifestyle! Wait not your, OUR comfortable lifestyle. And yes my flesh hates it too, but we also love it!
(I also want to throw out spiritual props out to not just Todd White, but also Ms. A, John Piper, Eunice, and PKyle.)
Ruin us, Lord!
If I don’t love other people, do I really love You? If I don’t love ALL other people, not just the people in my church, my friends and family, but all other people (those in the grocery store, ramen shop, at work, those I don’t naturally get along with), do I really love You?
Light our hearts on fire. Disrupt our lifestyle of comfort and pursuit of all things world. I don’t care if they call us weird or strange or foolish or annoying or bigots or too extreme or too much. I want my heart to BURN for You. Not for the sake of me and my glory, for extreme passion for You often doesn’t lead to the praise of the world or even the church sometimes, but more often scorn. I want to burn for the sake of You. For the sake of others who do not know You.
Our world and BILLIONS of those in it are destined to perish, yet it barely affects my heart and soul. Why do I/we not WEEP for the condemnation and judgment that is to come if the world does not know Jesus?
This week at Roots, I talked to one of the girls (not a believer) about the Gospel and how yes, it means everyone apart from Jesus will perish and spend eternity in the place of their choosing: a place apart from God that yes, is called Hell. It disturbed her (to the extent that she believed it a possibility) to think that some spend their eternity there. I think it didn’t deeply devastate her as she at this moment doesn’t believe it’s a reality. So then how much more should we, we who say we believe in the Gospel, thus believe eternity apart from Jesus will destine COUNTLESS NUMBERS to this Hell, why does it not deeply grieve me and fill me with urgency? Could it be that I don’t 100% believe? That’s part of it. But moreso is it because in the end it won’t apply to me? Yes, selfishly I think that’s a huge part of it too. And I think I know that if I let this truth burn inside of me, it would be very lifestyle-disrupting.
How can I passively enjoy the comforts of this life and waste my time pursuing the treasures of the world when I realize people are really going to Hell and the gift God’s given me can save them if I don’t sit on it? How can I turn away when God prompts me to pray for someone in a ramen shop, grocery store parking lot? God is on a mission to seek and save the lost. What mission am I working on right now? I’m already a part of this mission, it’s been assigned to me, but am I actively asking God to help me bring it to completion?
Jesus is disrupting my lifestyle. My flesh hates it. My soul/spirit loves it.
Just some light date night conversation and other thoughts to feed the soul.
We’re in the homestretch! Ish. Or so I like to think haha.
Tonight will also be our 3rd Lamaze class, so after its completion, we should be 3/4 ready for childbirth. Woohoo!
How am I feeling?
I honestly think last week may have been one of the toughest weeks of pregnancy with my acid reflux problems. I don’t know if I have been more miserable than I was last Wednesday and Thursday. But praise God, the reflux issues started dying down Thursday night and I honestly felt pretty great the whole weekend! I keep telling Kenny I will NEVER complain ever again about GERD/acid reflux once the baby’s out haha. What I had before was NOTHING compared to pregnancy reflux.
Other than that I’ve been feeling pretty darn good! I haven’t been waking up nearly as much and I realized too that I haven’t had leg cramps at night in ages. Thankful for sleep and trying to cash in as much as possible pre-baby.
I am also super excited to be ending work soon! Next Friday will be my last day and I can’t wait. So honestly, most of the time I feel like I could definitely work several more weeks and financially it might make more sense, but then I’ll make a bunch of dumb mistakes or forget what I’m doing or become overwhelmed by things that aren’t that overwhelming at all… and then I’m grateful that I can take a bit of time off and I think it really will be better for work this way. (Plus our nursery is still a mess so that will be my pre-baby project!) I talked about it with my boss during my review, but I just don’t feel like I handle stress very well anymore. I used to love fires and crave the variety, but since being pregnant, I get flustered much more easily and can’t deal with the crazy anymore. I’ve even noticed that lately I can’t handle the stress of being late (which is actually probably a good thing haha). In Steph’s words from when she visited last weekend, “Who are you!?!?”
Lastly, of course, I am very excited for the baby. I can’t wait to meet our little miss! I keep wondering who she’s going to look like, what her personality will be, where her interests will lie. This weekend when we visited All People’s Church in SD (it was BOMB btw), I noticed that the drummer was female and I added “worship team drummer” to the list of aspirations I have for our little one haha. Other aspirations include evangelist, prayer warrior, and of course, due to Daddy, baller. (We said hopefully she’ll get his offense and my defense. Oh and same goes for academics: my English, his math!)
Spent the weekend in SD for Annie & Emerson’s wedding, VDay, and our Babymoon!
The wedding was fun and it was so neat to see the Kairos building and how far the church has come. Spent a lot of time catching up with old friends and reliving the college days. As much as I loved college, it’s funny to realize now that I really would never go back. Definitely one of my favorite times in life, but maybe, just maybe, as Steph keeps asserting that really wasn’t the peak of my life and things really are going to continue getting better ;)
On Sunday, we visited All People’s Church. It was an awesome time of refreshing through the amazing worship and Word. The pastor talked about what it looks like when the Spirit moves in the church and it definitely made us think about what it means to be a part of a Spirit-filled community.
After service, we hit up Lolita’s in Gaslamp and I got my pollo fries fix and you bet I was thankful that my AR had died down! Found some acai bowls for dessert and the kind worker gave us two bowls probably after seeing my preggo belly!
Took a nice long nap, then K got to watch the first part of Kobe’s last All-Star game. So yes, a big part of our Babymoon was watching TV and sleeping, but I figured hey, it’s Kenny’s Babymoon too and it would not be a true Kenny weekend if it didn’t include those two things!
For VDay dinner, we walked to Ocean Pacific Grille and had private patio seating (yay for late reservations!) which was actually quite lovely and then we roamed around the Gaslamp a bit more looking for dessert (ended up being gelato and crepes!).
We were both proud of ourselves for doing so much walking and said one way to make the Yee’s walk is by the prospect of having to pay for parking and appealing to our Chinese-ness!
Monday morning we both were in and out of sleep through 11:30 (I love it!!) and we ended the weekend with a hefty Broken Yolk brunch. I had an omelet and pancake… both the size of my face.
So thankful to spend a relaxing weekend with the husband. I am so grateful to have him as a companion and truly can’t imagine doing life with anyone else. He is kind, thoughtful, passionate, and a joy to be around. I appreciate that we can have deep conversations about the things we care about (Jesus, etc.), but that we also spend so much time having fun/joking around/laughing. Marriage is an incredible blessing. And though I know it will at times be tough and we don’t know the future will bring, I feel secure knowing that my husband is a man who pursues the Lord in all he does, and that ultimately God holds whatever is ahead for our family.
What is God saying?
I feel like God is saying, “trust me.” That’s it. “Trust me.”
Reading Revelation this past year really has been no joke and it’s truly been tough to comprehend and read. Reading has stirred up the age old question of how could a loving God punish people? How do we reconcile the God of judgment with the God of grace and love?
It truly is difficult and I’ve been realizing more and more how essential it is to have faith. Though we can find answers to some of our questions, there will never be answers to all of them, and therefore, it is essential if we are to remain believers to have faith. Not sure if it’s true or not, but at least at this point in my life, I feel like there will always be some room for doubt, so faith is choosing to take the leap and believe.
In faith, I choose to trust God even when I don’t understand completely. In faith, I choose to take Him at His Word when He says He does not wish for any to perish. In faith, I choose that even when it seems unfair to me, sin truly does need to be punished and that God allows people to eventually have what they truly desire if they choose to reject Him: an eternity without Him.
It still seems unfair. It still is hard to believe. But what Duhee said last night in lecture did help. He said the only person who has the right to call God unfair is Jesus. And what did He say when faced with the greatest injustice of all time? “Not my will, but Yours be done.” And He unjustly took the full cup of wrath on the cross so that we who believe could be spared the very same thing.
God does love people. He does show extravagant grace. He does wish that all would be saved. But as with many things in our faith, salvation must be done on His terms. His way is most holy and His way is most loving. Sin must be punished. Evil must be dealt with.
Another thing that helped me is when Duhee said hell was created for Satan and his demons. Hell was not created for people. People were created to be with God and in His presence. Yet, in our sin, we chose a different way. And God still lets people choose a different way. He allows us to choose a life without Him and eventually an eternity of the same. And if we do not choose eternity with Him, then the alternative is an eternity separate from Him, which is hell.
So again, it’s not easy to comprehend, and it’s not easy to imagine, but the God of judgment and the God of love are one in the same. God’s characteristics do not contradict each other, instead they somehow go together in a way that is too difficult and perhaps even too wonderful for me to comprehend.
At this point, though I’ll continue to study and seek understanding, I think there still is something to just having faith in the end. It seems so textbook, simple, elementary, a cop-out even. But I’m led again to the place of realizing that faith is so necessary, so essential. So here I am, choosing to have faith in Him.
And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him.
Not bad! About the same as before. I’ve been having a lot of trouble not eating everything in sight lately haha. And I often find myself going out of my way to pick up chocolate/candy. I think this has been contributing to my acid reflux, which has flared up lately and has also been causing me to feel nauseous. Some nights actually remind me of nausea in the first tri. Bleh.
But! I continue to be really excited about Baby Yee. She continues to be really active and often makes her presence known by moving my shirt/entire belly and especially loves wiggling around at night when I’m about to sleep. I’ve been noticing hiccups more frequently too!! So ridiculously cute (again, as mentioned in my last weekly update, I know I’m delusional)!
Kenny had his “Gab Talk” today where he spoke to an auditorium of students at lunch about “the power of me.” I’m so proud of my husband and that he took the opportunity to share about Jesus and how there’s no point in “the power of me” if we use our lives/talents to live for ourselves. The most fulfilling identity we can have is the one God wants for us: an identity where we use “the power of me” on loving those around us unconditionally.
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
So proud of my husband!
Also, our dear Roots youth group threw us our first baby shower last Friday night!! It was a surprise… for Kenny. Hahaha. But really it was still a shock when we walked in the room to a mass of PINK! We played several games, but I must say it was most fun trying to match the kids with their baby pictures. So sweet to see them as babies.
On that note, it’s been such a blessing to serve our youth kids. It’s been so long since I’ve served in this type of capacity and as much as it’s sometimes hard to get motivated after work on a Friday, I’ve been pleasantly surprised with how enjoyable youth group is (though yes, there are occasions where I have an off night). So thankful that God lets us partner with Him in ministry!
What is God saying?
Hrm… good question. Honestly, it’s been tough doing devo’s and spending time with Him lately. We’ve been reading Revelation 13 for BSF this week and it’s been a struggle. Yes the content is hard, and yes my tendency is to lose fervor and be lazy, but I’m wondering too if part of it is spiritual opposition?
There’s definitely an element of Satan not wanting us to be in the Word/read/spend time with God ESPECIALLY when it comes to things like Revelation 13. We truly are in a spiritual battle, and Satan’s desire is first of course for no one to believe in Jesus, but for those of us who do, his second desire is for us to be ineffective and sidelined… which unfortunately probably describes the majority of us the majority of the time.
Do we realize that we’re in a spiritual battle? Do we understand that everything we do, everything that happens has a spiritual implication as Pastor Jason would always say? Are we engaged in the battle or are we sitting on the sidelines, not aware of the battle or worse not even caring?
Food for thought as we hurdle toward the end of this age…
This past Saturday was our mini gender reveal with the fam. Baby Yee is… a girl!!!! (Insert picture which I don’t currently have here.)
A few moments of hilarity:
Grandma Yee (right after we cut open the cake): IT’S PURPLE!!
Everyone else: Purple? What does purple mean? Both? One of each?
Dylan (disappointed): I thought the baby was in the cake…
Hahaha I love it!
Baby Yee, we are SO excited for you! We can’t wait to meet you soon!!!
How do I feel?
Excited! We’ve now been telling people pretty indiscriminately so it’s been a lot of fun. Also I’ve been starting to show this past week and there were two people we’ve told who said they were wondering but didn’t want to be rude and ask (whaaat!? do I look that big already!?!?).
Nauseous. Still feeling it in the afternoons! It’s been stronger the past week or so. Not sure why, but I am eating a ton more lately so maybe that’s part of it? One of the moms at church said as soon as the baby comes out though you start feeling normal again though. Looking forward to it!
Cranky. So this could definitely be just me, but I’ve continued to be pretty irritable and short with people when normally I’d try really hard to be polite and keep my cool. It comes out mostly at work and especially when unexpectedly interrupted (i.e. every time the front door rings and I have to make the trek down 3 flights of stairs and people get impatient and ring the door bell again while I’m trying to wrap up whatever I was doing/gather pertinent info for them/etc.). Lord, help me!
Emotional. So all these symptoms aren’t really new and have persisted throughout pregnancy. I continue to be really emotional about things. For instance, my co-worker told me he was babysitting his baby niece this past weekend and totally falling in love with her and I kid you not IT BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES. I don’t know why but I was just so touched thinking about him bonding with this little baby that I was tearing up. So random hahaha.
Grateful. Amidst all the symptoms good and not so good, God’s been reminding me to be grateful. Every time our little baby kicks it makes me so excited and reminds me that she is REAL and she’s on the way and I just can’t believe we’re actually having a baby!!!!
What’s God saying?
I’m going to make this another blog post as it’s been weighing so heavily on my heart as of late and made this blog super long haha.