How do I feel?
Last week of work!!!!! Oh my gosh I can’t wait. I am so excited to sleep, clean, cook, get the baby room ready, spend time with the Lord (sad, I didn’t immediately write that one and had to add it in later… will talk about this in latter portion of post, but thankful that there’s grace!), and hang out with family/friends! I have been so tired this week (I know, I know, I sound like a broken record) and struggling to function in life and at work. Of course this weekend was packed so that’s probably part of it too.
Weird thing is like I mentioned in the last post, I don’t feel “disabled” at all and definitely think I could keep working. But after learning SDI covers 4 weeks before your due date, even though it’s not going to cover my entire salary, it’s kind of like why not? This is my last hurrah before a lifetime of child-rearing haha.
Other than tired and irritable, I feel relatively good though. I did have a bad stomach ache last night, but I realized since we’ve been so busy (seriously we’ve had something almost every single night this entire month… but of course now’s the time to do it!) I haven’t cooked anything in the last week, thus I’ve been eating very few vegetables. PTL though for good digestive movements today! No joke, I am sooo relieved/happy/thankful to the Lord haha.
Regarding the baby, I’m definitely still excited to meet her, but I guess this past week there’s been this realization that things will never be the same again once she’s born, and honestly that is a little frightening. Of course there’s no turning back now and of course I wouldn’t want to(!!!), but I do feel a bit anxious thinking about how much everything is going to change for our little family!
Baby’s looking good! Movements are still frequent and strong! Yesterday she was relentless when I had my stomachache and wouldn’t stop kicking me right where it hurt! Doctors appointment went well this morning and she said Baby’s growth is on target and she should be around 6 lbs., 1 oz. right now give or take 15%.
As for this weekend, it was quite full. Highlight would be our 30th Anniversary Gala on Saturday night at Noor. It was a bit of a roller coaster and quite chaotic with very few staff there, but I thank God for His grace and help– I think my attitude could have been far far worse than it was and by the end of the night I realized I did have an enjoyable time, and the chaos, well, it was actually quite comical.
The biggest praise is that we raised over $150K, which was absolutely a miracle! And ultimately, the hope is that God received glory and praise for all that He has done to sustain our ministry over the past 30 years, despite our many mishaps and shortcomings (even the ones that very night!).
Not really a part of the weekend, but another highlight would be Staff Development on Monday. In my 1.5 years at DOH, it was seriously the best Staff Development I’ve attended. The workers from our DV site shared and it was eye-opening to learn more about victims of domestic violence, how to minister to them, and how the Gospel can bring tremendous hope in the face of devastating circumstances.
Startling facts about DV:
- An average of 3 women are murdered every day by an intimate partner.
- Nearly 1/3 of American women report being abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives.
- In California alone, domestic violence occurs in 436,000 households per year, exposing nearly 916,000 children to violence in the home per year.
- When a battered woman leaves her abuser, there is a 50% chance her standard of living will drop below the poverty line.
Such mind-boggling and heartbreaking statistics. So proud to be a part of DOH and to support the ministry of these amazing ladies who work so hard to bring the hope and love of Christ to the broken-hearted.
What has God been saying?
Honestly it’s been another hard week and I’ve struggled to spend time with the Lord and press into Him. I think this is the first week I haven’t finished all of my BSF lesson before the day of class. It’s crazy because just one year ago I would do the back half of my lesson the day of class (meaning by Tuesday I’d have 50% done) and a year before that and all the prior years of BSF I would do almost all of my lesson the day of class. (As a side note, I can’t believe this is my SIXTH year of BSF. Say whaat!?)
To me, this is so indicative of God’s grace. For whatever reason, He has been giving me tremendous grace and help to spend time with Him this year and I can absolutely see how it’s been helping me in my walk and in life.
It’s not easy to spend time with the Lord. And I know I mentioned it before, but even our middle school youth girls say things like “I don’t have time for devo’s” or “It’s just so hard” or “I don’t get anything out of reading the Bible/praying” and my heart aches for them because I know it’s not going to get any easier, but oh how I hope and pray God gives them grace to start spending time with Him NOW. I’m not sure it will ever be easy. And though it makes me laugh when they say “I don’t have time to spend with God,” it reveals the human heart, for isn’t this the excuse we use in almost every season of life? I don’t have time. I’m too busy. Too tired. Even MIDDLE SCHOOLERS feel too busy to make time for God in their lives.
So I try to encourage them. It’s worth it. We’ll always feel too busy and guess what, in the next season you’ll be even busier no matter what age you are! We will always find excuses to not spend time with God and say “in the next season of life, then I’ll really pursue You.”
But the time is NOW. The time is now and it is worth it. Like I wrote earlier, I think by God’s grace this past year or so I’ve been able to see how spending time with Him daily, though it might not seem like it makes a significant impact immediately, really does help and fills me with more peace, more wisdom, more significance, and lends itself to growth.
So I guess this is an encouragement to myself to not give up. To keep pressing in. To know that it’s worth it. Especially as I head into what many consider the craziest season of life. (As so many people have said, the first year of having a baby is just a blur.)
Reminds me of these two verses:
“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
& this one, which of course also reminds me of my dear friend Sung haha:
“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.”
1 Corinthians 9:24
Lastly, I’ll end with this:
“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.”
Lord, help me!!!!