14 Months of Miss Evangeline

14 Months of Miss Evangeline

Soo I wrote TWO posts about Eva specifically in the past 14 months lol. I’m sad but definitely not surprised haha. Oh and I missed making a milestone post for her 1st birthday. #momfail

So I’ll write a little about Miss Eva right now.

How can words capture how I feel about Miss Evangeline? To say I love her soooooo much sells the feeling so short.

Evangeline fills my heart with so much joy. Kenny and I think she is just the cutest thing ever and so incredibly beyond wonderful. It’s impossible to be objective when it comes to Evangeline. Yes, she has her moments, but even in her moments, even when she frustrates me to no end, there is this undercurrent of love and joy. I’m sure it won’t always be this way (imagine the teenage years!), but when Eva is disobedient, often I’m holding back a smirk or a burst of laughter.

Eva is a rascal, yes, truly the daughter of a little rascal! She loves to tease people (especially her daddy). She loves to flash her cheesy, toothy grin, scrunching up her little eyes into half moons. She loves yapping away and is sooooo talkative! But sometimes she can also be pretty serious. In new situations she often becomes very quiet, just observing and taking everything in. I’m still thinking she might be an introvert who also loves people, but we’ll see how things continue developing. It could also be that she’s an extrovert, but she’s just a little cautious and shy.

Eva looooves to eat. Oh man does she love her carbohydrates. She eats pretty much everything, though she’ll get randomly picky from time-to-time. Food definitely brings this girl joy. We’re blessed that she eats well and there have been no problems since maybe around her 9-month mark in getting her to eat.

Eva loves to play. She continues to take the cake as most active baby on Kenny’s side of the family. She gets into everything. She’s constantly moving, climbing, crawling, adventuring. When she’s excited she flaps her limbs vigorously. She loves shaking her head no while flashing her big grin. When she sees someone she’s excited about, she’ll let out an excited scream. She looooves going over to the Yuen’s to play while Kenny and me go to youth group. The other babies will eventually go to sleep, but she usually stays up the whole night with Uncle Bosco and Auntie Christine so she can play.

Eva loves books. Her favorite book is called “Babies and Doggies,” but she also really loves her “Jesus Storybook Bible.” She loves tearing pages out of it and I just talked to her today about how I love the fact that she loves her Bible, but I want her to grow in her respect for it (meaning, stop pulling out the pages, girlfriend!). I love that she loves to read. And yes, it’s also super nice that she can sit for a good while now looking at her stacks of books so I can do things like use the restroom, get in a little work from home, or eat.

There is soooo much more I could write about Eva! She’s growing her molars. She jumped from 1%tile in weight to 11th (again, homegirl LOVES eating). She loves music and will dance and nod her head to it. She loves when Daddy plays worship songs and will shake her baby percussion instruments. Her favorite stuffed animal is Bob the Monkey. She loves her pacifier animals Sophie and Ella. She cries when I leave her places now, but people say it’s only to make me feel guilty because as soon as I’m out of sight she’ll stop crying. She loves going on walks and will point at everything and do a ton of talking. She’s not the greatest napper, but PTL she’ll sleep from 7:30pm-8:30am if we get her down in time.

There is soooo much joy in being a mommy to Miss Eva!! Yes there are hard times. In the moment it’s sometimes easy to lose perspective or get frustrated, but this has been a season of such overwhelming joy.

My hope and prayer for Miss Eva is that she walks with Jesus every day of her life. We are praying BIG prayers for her. We are praying that she will be a missionary. We are praying that she would count her life as loss. We pray that she will live in light of the End Times. We pray that she would run hard after Jesus every day of her life. We pray that she would be BOLD and stand strong for Jesus in a world that is becoming more and more hostile toward His Word and His calling. And I’m realizing again and again that if I want these things for my baby girl, I personally need to be living out these things.

I’ll end with the life verse we used for Eva’s Baby Dedication:

Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand.
With Your counsel You will guide me, And afterward receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but YouAnd besides You, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:23-26

Regret

Regret

“We will never regret spending our lives on Jesus.”

I’m not sure where I heard that, and it certainly sounds like a very PJason thing, but I’m sure there are many variations floating around.

I’ll say it again, we will NEVER regret spending our lives on Jesus.

In fact, in every season, my regret is actually always “I wish I had spent MORE of my life on Jesus.”

High school: I wish I had used my young, spry brain to memorize more Scripture. I wish I had used all the time I had with non-Christians to share with them about Christ. I wish I had never started down certain sin paths.

College: I wish I had used my time better. I wish I had spent copious amounts of time in the Word, in prayer, in cultivating a practice of listening God’s voice. I wish I hadn’t given myself up so easily to the idol of relationships. I wish I hadn’t made so many poor choices in said relationship. I wish I had given myself EVEN MORE to the Lord and to His church. I wish I had poured myself into living for Christ.

Zii: I wish I hadn’t been so focused on not wanting to be there. I wish I hadn’t been so worried about people liking me to the point where I was pretty paralyzed and lacking in love and boldness to share about Jesus. I wish I hadn’t cared so much about being cool or relevant. I wish I had worked harder to be a shining example of Christ. I wish I hadn’t been so easily annoyed at small things, seeing people as inconveniences. I wish I had been more intentional about my relationships.

The list could go on and on and on.

But I write all these things not to condemn and to feel bad (in fact, miraculously I feel GRACE… soooo much GRACE! PTL!!) I write these thing to remind myself that I will never regret going hard after Jesus. I will never regret shunning the things of this world for Him. I will never regret being sold-out. I will never regret looking like a fanatic. I will never regret giving up other things (things that are sin and also things that are not) for more of Him.

As I/we hurdle toward the end times or to the time when God calls me home, that no regret, “YOLO for Jesus” feeling increases (by the grace of God!). We get one life to live. And yes, we could just spend it all on our own pursuits, our own pleasures, and God is gracious and indeed He will still let us into Heaven if we truly do know Him. However certainly at the very end, when I stand before the Lord, and the works of my life pass through His holy fire, there will be no lack of certainty that spending my life on Jesus and giving up the things of this world for Him was soooo unimaginably worth it.

Let’s keep the end in mind. Let’s live in light of eternity. Let’s build toward things that will last. Is it wisdom at all if we live for the things of this world, knowing that none will last? If we are truly wise, we will spend ourselves on the Lord, on pursuing the things that will not burn up, the things that will endure on into eternity (His people/church/Kingdom, His glory).

“Let each one take care how he builds upon it [the foundation of Christ]…. Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay straw– each one’s work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. If anyone’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.”

1 Corinthians 3:10b & 12-15

Some Light Date Night Conversation

Some Light Date Night Conversation

M: Todd White (evangelist K’s been listening to) is ruining your life!

K: Yeah and my flesh hates it haha.

M: No actually Jesus, Jesus through Todd White is ruining your lifestyle! Wait not your, OUR comfortable lifestyle. And yes my flesh hates it too, but we also love it!

(I also want to throw out spiritual props out to not just Todd White, but also Ms. A, John Piper, Eunice, and PKyle.)

Ruin us, Lord!

If I don’t love other people, do I really love You? If I don’t love ALL other people, not just the people in my church, my friends and family, but all other people (those in the grocery store, ramen shop, at work, those I don’t naturally get along with), do I really love You?

Light our hearts on fire. Disrupt our lifestyle of comfort and pursuit of all things world. I don’t care if they call us weird or strange or foolish or annoying or bigots or too extreme or too much. I want my heart to BURN for You. Not for the sake of me and my glory, for extreme passion for You often doesn’t lead to the praise of the world or even the church sometimes, but more often scorn. I want to burn for the sake of You. For the sake of others who do not know You.

Our world and BILLIONS of those in it are destined to perish, yet it barely affects my heart and soul. Why do I/we not WEEP for the condemnation and judgment that is to come if the world does not know Jesus?

This week at Roots, I talked to one of the girls (not a believer) about the Gospel and how yes, it means everyone apart from Jesus will perish and spend eternity in the place of their choosing: a place apart from God that yes, is called Hell. It disturbed her (to the extent that she believed it a possibility) to think that some spend their eternity there. I think it didn’t deeply devastate her as she at this moment doesn’t believe it’s a reality. So then how much more should we, we who say we believe in the Gospel, thus believe eternity apart from Jesus will destine COUNTLESS NUMBERS to this Hell, why does it not deeply grieve me and fill me with urgency? Could it be that I don’t 100% believe? That’s part of it. But moreso is it because in the end it won’t apply to me? Yes, selfishly I think that’s a huge part of it too. And I think I know that if I let this truth burn inside of me, it would be very lifestyle-disrupting.

How can I passively enjoy the comforts of this life and waste my time pursuing the treasures of the world when I realize people are really going to Hell and the gift God’s given me can save them if I don’t sit on it? How can I turn away when God prompts me to pray for someone in a ramen shop, grocery store parking lot? God is on a mission to seek and save the lost. What mission am I working on right now? I’m already a part of this mission, it’s been assigned to me, but am I actively asking God to help me bring it to completion?

Jesus is disrupting my lifestyle. My flesh hates it. My soul/spirit loves it.

Just some light date night conversation and other thoughts to feed the soul.

And hey, my first blog post in ages– PTL! :)

Quote

Lose Your Life

We live in a culture that teaches us to glorify ourselves and to pursue comfort, control and the satisfaction of our desires above all else. To deny oneself and pursue the things of God can feel like death, but that is what Jesus calls us to. He tells us that to follow him we will have to relinquish all control and endure suffering and rejection, but he also promises that this will make us like him. In him, triumph will come through suffering. Jesus is calling us to lose our lives as we know them, but only so that he might give us real and eternal life in him. Do you hear him calling you? Are you willing to deny yourself and take up your cross in order to follow him? Do you trust that he will lead you to life? 

Redeemer Presbyterian Church Lenten Devotional