Yikes! Week 16! And only a few more days to 17!
I am finally starting to show a bit! Actually that statement conveys more excitement than what I’ve actually been feeling haha. It does cross my mind that people might just think I’m fat… which really is none of their business and is fine, but still slightly disheartening maybe? I just can’t wait until I’m really showing and it’s obvious and people are super nice to me and feel bad for being mean, like the guy who pushed past me going in and going out of the elevator at Kaiser today. Not nice!!!
How do I feel?
So for the first time since maybe when we first found out we were expecting and we had to wait those two lonnnng weeks for the first doctor’s appointment to check for a heartbeat, I’ve been feeling anxious about the baby. Recently I’ve been hearing of more and more miscarriages and it’s definitely made me worry. I think I’ll feel more at ease when I can feel the baby moving as every ultrasound we’ve been told we have an ACTIVE little one! But overall, the anxiety has been in the back of my mind and it’s not a great feeling!
I guess it had been a while too since the last ultrasound 3 weeks ago.
Well we had another ultrasound today and praise God, the baby’s looking good! Still moving around a lot and being uncooperative when it comes to pictures! This doctor also laughed and said we have an active little one and that there was a lot of arm flailing and kicking going on. Sigh… this kid. All 3 pictures I have look like a blur!
And of course, there’s two more pictures in a sealed envelope that contain the doctor’s best guess at the baby’s gender…… yikes!! Debating whether we should take a peek tonight or wait til the October 25th ultrasound or even do a tiny gender reveal with the fam. Decisions, decisions. Ugh. I really want to know!!!!
Anyway, other than that, been trying to eat better, but failing miserably. I think I’m eating less this week, but my sweet tooth has come back with a vengeance and I’m always craving Snickers bars and lemonade.
Still feeling mild nausea right before dinner and continuing to wake up in the wee hours of the morning to pee. Other than that, still feeling energetic though and sooooo much better than first tri, PTL!!
What is God saying?
Hmm, well still learning about love and I think too what it means to pursue Him, that it takes EFFORT and TIME and it’s not easy. The other day Ms. A was saying “being spiritual is not easy” and I was like dang… if she says that what does that mean for me!?!?
But it’s true. Even when the middle school girls share in small groups about struggling with devos and wanting to read/watch TV more than spend time with God, I think aww man… what encouragement do I have for them other than to say, yes it is hard and it doesn’t really get much easier, but with time you reap the benefits and see how God is using that discipline in your life? Not all that encouraging really, but I guess that’s part of the struggle of still living apart from God in a sense (even though the Holy Spirit dwells within), or still feeling the veil between us in a way, at least physically.
I think that God is also continuing to speak to me about my anxiety regarding the baby. I still remember thinking the very first day we found out we were preggo, “if you’re going to worry about this baby, you’ll be doing a whole lot of worrying the rest of your life!!!” And it’s true!! When will I ever stop worrying about my kid if I don’t give up my anxious thoughts to the Lord!?
What comes to mind is the classic verse, 1 Peter 5:7:
“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”
He cares for me and He cares for this baby more than I’ll ever know. And as the Creator of this universe, the Author of life, the One who is knitting together this tiny baby even as we speak, He can be trusted supremely.