I’m on a blogging roll lately probably thanks to my new excitement over WordPress. I realized too there might be a way to actually import XANGA into here, but then again I kind of want to let my early college and especially high school thoughts stay in the past where they belong haha.
So anyway, it’s week 15!! Woohoo!! 15 weeks actually sounds like a lot, but really that’s only about 3 months down. Still 6 more to go…
How do I feel?
Not bad!! I was in awe yesterday after work because I genuinely had ZERO nausea. Must’ve been the lemonade and two salted caramel macarons I picked up from Europane mwahahahaha! So delish.
On a sidenote, on Saturday I dreamt that I was biting into a light blue salted caramel macaron. I bit in, chewed once, thought “hmm why does this not taste like anything??,” and woke up both stunned and saddened that it was just a dream. It was so realistic!! I then felt that my dream was so important that I had to tell someone, so I woke Kenny up and told him. He couldn’t have cared less (I reminded him again later in the day and he only vaguely remembered), so I then FB messaged Petrina since I knew she’d be awake. Hmm… I guess this is yet another “you can see where my mind’s at!” moment haha.
And miraculously even through all this I’m still -1 lbs from when I started. This past week though I’ve been eating a TON (I polished off an entire 2-entree Panda Express plate for dinner… gross!!) and we haven’t cooked at all, so I’m anticipating this may change very soon…
Other than my crazy pregnancy hunger, I’ve been feeling much more energetic and in good spirits, PTL!
What is God saying?
So I know I’ve written quite a bit about this over the past few days, but God is working on my heart in the area of love and showing me that though I consider myself a nice person, my love is so lacking!!!!
I think as much as we can try to brute force things though, as much as I can try to force myself to have good will toward others, true change can only come from Jesus. A mind set on Jesus will lead to a life that looks like His. A heart seeking Him continually is a heart that will be truly transformed.
It’s easy for us to change on the outside, but if that change doesn’t come from the heart, it won’t last.
The easiest place for me to see this is at work. As much as I can try to be nice and patient with donors/volunteers/families, once I’ve been interrupted too many times, once I’ve answered the phone one too many times, or made the trek down to the first floor more than I’d like, that’s when I can see my lack of love especially come out. I struggle so much when I feel inconvenienced or when I need to love at a time when I’m not prepared to. I’m okay when I am prepared, it’s when I’m not and in the middle of something that I really struggle.
Just this morning, I was rushing to finish receipt letters and Ms. A came into my office as she had a meeting in 10 minutes with the COO. I KNEW I should stop everything and talk to her and pray, in fact just this morning on the way in I was thinking about how I should spend more time with her in prayer, but my flesh was struggling so much. I had an unexpected deadline to meet in 40 minutes!! I was stressed!! Even for Ms. A my flesh railed against the Spirit.
And yet, by God’s grace, I saw tiny shreds of evidence of change. By His grace, I told the flesh to shut it, and that in faith I would spend time with Ms. A (and really it was a measly 10 minutes!) believing that God would help me get everything done by the deadline. So we sat, we talked, Ms. A prayed for Kenny, the baby, and me. It was a great way to start the morning, and yes, ultimately, I didn’t make the deadline, but it turned out to not be that important anyway and my boss easily pushed the deadline back by 3 hours without much thought.
For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.
Striving in this season as I’m convicted to set my mind on the Spirit, on Jesus, believing that He will bring change.