It’s been a few days since what may have been the start of 8 weeks. Can’t be too sure because the dates may be off.
How do I feel?
Much less nauseous since a few days ago PTL! I was claiming the promises of the Lord that the curse of Eve is broken and not sure if it’s related, but will choose to believe so, the morning sickness died down significantly!!
Food still doesn’t taste the greatest and most things are just whatevers to me, but it is so nice to not be so nauseous all the time!!! Thank You, Jesus!
I’m still exhausted though. All the time. Took 15 minute rest break in car today in covered lot across the street from DOH.
Our appointment is in TWO days! I’m so nervous. And I’ve tried to keep my hopes low just because you never know.
Yesterday during offertory, I put in a prayer request asking that the Lord would help me to hope and put all my trust in Him, surrendering the baby to the Lord. And what do you know!? PJon (guest speaker!) spoke on hope and reality and what to do when the two lines don’t meet. Now I never really got an answer as to whether it’s bad to not hope much, though I’m pretty sure it is, but it was an excellent sermon on lament and mourning a broken world.
I am still nervous though as I feel like I’ve been hearing and reading so many things about miscarriages. I’m so scared and want so badly for there to be a heartbeat on Wednesday morning. Honestly when the morning sickness started dying down too, I got really scared that we had miscarried.
In other news, I think I actually do have a tiny baby bump now! I thought I was just bloated and constipated (both true), but after a really good digestive day yesterday, Kenny and I confirmed that yes indeed there is a teeny tiny bump now which I promise was not there when I wasn’t pregnant! Tiny baby bump. So exciting!! Never thought I’d be happy to have a bump on my tummy haha.
What is God saying?
A theme lately has been thankfulness. I spent a TON of time on Thursday and Friday with Ms. A while everyone was at a leadership conference (I opted to not go a couple weeks ago when I was ornery, nauseous, and tired, and it turned out to be a great thing!). It was soooo good just to enjoy the privilege of her presence, prayer, worship, and wisdom. We had such a great time and though she shared many many things, the most convicting thing she shared about was thankfulness.
“God is SO close. We just don’t realize it because we are not looking for Him, we are not looking to be thankful.”
As we were worshipping together, the Night and Weekend Manager interrupted to ask if we wanted breakfast Friday morning. Being Asian, I said no, but Ms. A was like “nooo change your mind, change your mind!” so I called after him and he graciously obliged. I hadn’t told Ms. A, but I had been hungry and slightly nauseous (seems to happen when I don’t eat). The Lord totally provided in something even as simple as a meal, and Ms. A declared proudly how God had provided even that for me.
Thankfulness. Learning to be thankful in every season, in this season. Thankful for our little bean.