Kenny and I had a pretty horrible week… or should I say I had a horrible week and thus so did Kenny haha.
Last week all of my stress and procrastination culminated into a big breakdown and tears and doubts and crazy. But my sweet boy stuck through it all.
So since then, since the wedding was turning into such a (truly) big dark cloud (haha– DH! <3), we started picking one thing every day that we were excited for. At first I thought we should do something more “spiritual,” but really these simple little things seemed to help and remind me that there’s a lot to look forward to this coming Saturday!
First thing I picked was the cake.
Not to brag because honestly the cake was just thrown in by the venue, but I am SOOOO excited about the cake. There are 5 freakin’ layers and the 4th and 1st layers of strawberry cake are TO DIE FOR. If I only eat one thing on Saturday, I hope it’s the cake. Kenny btw was annoyed that I picked the cake and not something like “seeing my amazingly hot husband to be” haha.
Anyway now that I’ve drastically hyped it up, I hope it’s really good. All these taste testing sessions leave me doubtful because of course they put their best foot forward at the testing and who knows what it will be like on a larger scale… but I digress.
Second day, and actually I’m already forgetting so Kenny might have to remind me (you know how they mention “mommy brain?” well I think there’s a lesser version called “wedding brain), I believe I said I was excited for our video. That’s all I can say for now… but the people involved BROUGHT IT!!!
Third day, yesterday, I believe? I said I’m excited to just be married (I just unconsciously spelled it marryeed… too much hash tagging!). I can’t wait to actually be married to the boy!!
And today… well I’m still deciding but praise be to God my stress level is finally down with work wrapping up… or wrapping up implies things are taken care of… it’s more like with me just leaving work open ended… the plans of mice and men right? So things at work are definitely not how I would have hoped… but thankful too for a supportive boss and team who though they might be slightly stressful to work for at times, are ultimately very understanding and family people themselves.
So even with this resurgence of positivity, I STILL had another break down last night. But I think it’s good to just get it all out before Saturday so hopefully I won’t have to make a mess of the makeup haha.
And honestly I think with all this stress and crazy, it’s kind of solidified things even more. Things as in, wanting to be married and trusting that God… and the boy, will take good care of me in the future (however long that might be).
I am thankful for my soon-to-be husband. I am thankful for how he takes care of me, comforts me, reassures me, and ultimately points me back to Christ. I am thankful for how he teases me and makes me laugh and draws out the ridiculous side of me. I am thankful for his humility– how he’s always the first to apologize, the first to step back, and how he carefully considers the things I say even when they’re said out of anger or the wrong intentions. He always looks for the log in his own eye and is willing to admit when he is wrong. What a great example for a very stubborn, prideful girl like me!!
Yesterday night was just another one of those many moments when I realized how good I have it.
I started a little tiff, then K and I iced each other a bit, then we had a little argument, then I started to cry (yet again). But after talking through it and hearing what’s really on both of our hearts and what we really want (to be heard, understood, valued, loved), I realized just how much I want to be and do all those things for Kenny, and yet how inadequate I am and how I just can’t believe Kenny wants to marry me.
Anyway I’d write the transcript of that conversation here, but it really was so poignant yet also sweet that for one, I don’t want everyone to gag and make fun of me haha, and two… well that’s the biggest reason!! All that to say, it’s just one of those conversations I know I will hold onto and treasure in my heart.
We are almost almost there. We’re getting marryeed (there I wrote it!) in FOUR SHORT DAYS!!!!!! On one hand that’s way to soon (I just want more time to be at home… and to wedding plan too haha), but at that same time, I wish Saturday would just be here sooner!!
Four. more. days.