Our generation is anti-marriage, anti-commitment. Or at least young marriage and young commitment. I definitely cannot count on one hand, or maybe even two, the number of people who have discouraged me from getting married in the past one to two years. The assertions are always “you’re still a baby” or “why would you be thinking about that already” or “just have fun” or “why would you want to be married” or “how can you make such a serious decision at this age?”
And not to rag on these individuals. All of them are only giving me their advice because they have my best interest in mind. But we have become a culture that sees marriage as a bad thing or as a thing you should only aspire to when you have a “good head” on your shoulders at age 27, 28, 29.
So now it’s no wonder that I have so many fears and doubts about marriage, right? It’s no wonder that I’m scared and feel ill-equipped to make such a decision.
But this realization warrants self-examination: are my thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs about marriage being shaped by the world, or by God, the designer and author of marriage who said of marriage “it is very good” (the only time very was used in the creation story)?
Anyway, I still have more questions and soul-searching and not many answers, but I greatly enjoyed this article by Julia Shaw, married at age 23. Definitely worth a read and worth noting this quote about finding your soul mate/“the one”:
Sometimes people delay marriage because they are searching for the perfect soul mate. But that view has it backward. Your spouse becomes your soul mate after you’ve made those vows to each other in front of God and the people who matter to you. You don’t marry someone because he’s your soul mate; he becomes your soul mate because you married him.
Check it and let me know your thoughts.
And for those of us who are Christian, let us consider our own views about marriage and who is shaping them: are our views shaped by this world/generation/society (of which God does call us to “not be conformed), or are our views shaped by God and the Bible and His assertion that marriage is very good!
Finally let us also be careful when speaking of marriage to friends; may we be discerning with the advice we give and speak from the Spirit rather than our own knowledge and know-how.