I am so fearful of a future that lacks something I was so sure of, yet so hopeful. For if God is calling me to let go of something so huge, something I treasure so deeply, something that has been for the most part so good to me, THEN (!!) what strongholds will He be able to break, what wounds will He be able to heal, and for what things will He now be able to use me?????
In the end, this is a mercy on both of us. For what God desires for my life and his life is something even greater than what this relationship was providing.
Thoughts written the morning after.
Little girl, you are going to be okay. You pound out those words, barely believing and knowing little the weight of them– what they will mean to you and look like over a year from now. In fact, you will be more than just okay. There will be so much joy and a strength of belief/character, found in all those tearful nights. You will have met the Lord face to face, you’ll have seen His light shine into the darkest of places.
With time and distance, you will also gain perspective on that relationship. For a while, you’ll only see the ugly of it. But eventually, as God heals your heart with His love and through the blessing of other people, you’ll see it as it was. Something good at the time, yes, but something that only was meant for a season of your life. And when you start to understand the greatness that is just around the corner, finally, finally!, you will be able to let go.
But just know that it takes time. So often we have this misconception, that if we’re really walking with the Lord, things will be okay in an instant. But that is a lie that often leads to confusion and discontentment. Healing takes time. So give it time. Don’t rush through the process. Don’t push through it with a man-made strength that says, “Nothing can touch me! I’m okay!!” Because God wants you to be more than okay. He wants to make you whole.
* * * * *
Once in a while life turns out just the way we imagined it. But praise be to God that more often than not, it turns out completely different.
I am so thankful that my life will not be the life I envisioned myself having at age 21. But then again, who knows, maybe one day I’ll be saying the same thing about the life I wanted at age 23?
So when God beckons, friends (myself included, as I know I am a slow learner), don’t be afraid to let go! Yes, there may be pain for a night (or for many nights, for many months worth of nights…), but who knows what joy and what great plans He has in store when we trust Him? And we trust Him because of His character, proven over and over. We trust because HE is the greatest treasure– He is worth this little life of mine and so much more.