Beloved

Beloved

What’s more tragic than being single on a day like today? Realizing you missed the opportunity to bless someone because you didn’t follow the Spirit’s leading.

UGHHHH.

I thank God for His forgiveness. But still, that doesn’t change the fact that I could have really really blessed someone today if only I had listened and trusted and not been prideful/embarrassed/SO DANG LAZY.

BLEHH.

So. Singles Awareness Day. Aka SAD. Haha.

So why again is there a day like today? Oh that’s right. Commercialism. Marketing schemes. MONEY.

A pain for people who are single. And let’s be honest. At bit of a pain for people who are in relationships too. I mean. Seriously. Undue pressure. Unmet expectations. Last minute scrambling to throw stuff together… oh the joys of life.

Okay. End rant. Haha. (:

Visited San Diego this past weekend.

I’m much more content in LA, but gahh I miss SD so so much. I absolutely love Lifesong, but my home still feels like Kairos. I just love the vision of the church. I love the fellowship that I have there. I love being able to just sit and talk with practically anyone. I love the worship. I love the people. But I’m reminded that the God of Kairos, the God of Lifesong, the God of Living Waters, the God even of Evergreen, He is the same God. It’s all about HIM. Not about ME. And as much as He loves His church, His bride, how much more do/should I love HIM and be willing to gladly follow WHEREVER it is He calls me?

The last time I was in SD, I sat in the front of MMPC after service and just cried and cried and cried. Probably not for the reason people may have thought I was crying. No. I was crying because I just couldn’t imagine ever belonging to a church other than Kairos. After being a Christian for so many years, Kairos was the first church ever where I felt like I belonged, like we were family, like people genuinely saw me and cared for me. Which is not to rag on churches in the past– the biggest problem with them was ME and my own perception of how things were supposed to be.

But still. It was at Kairos that I found healing for all those things. It was the Kairos body that walked alongside me in the darkest times of my life. Yet there was God. Taking yet another thing away from me.

But I’m glad. I’m thankful. Because in this season of stripping away (this very long season I might add… but enough complaining hah), He has helped me see Him so much more clearly. In my bleakest moments, it wasn’t Kairos, nor the ex-boy, not even the friends that were carrying me. Really, it was MY GOD, perhaps using these different vessels, but again it was HIM who was really sustaining me.

And that’s why I can have contentment this Valentine’s Day. Where so many others are out, celebrating life with a person who loves them so dearly. I admit there is a bit of longing, but I can have so much more peace knowing that I have a GOD who sees me.

I will never lose His love. He will never abandon me. His eye will never turn from me. He is INCAPABLE of deceit!! He thinks I’m beautiful. He doesn’t forget a thing. He LOVES me with a love synonymous with commitment, even though He sees the depth of sin and depravity in me.

And so I’m hopeful. Life won’t be like this forever. This season isn’t forever. And even if it endures for this whole life, I look forward to the reward in heaven: being face-to-face with the Love of my life, the CREATOR of Love, my Bridegroom, my Savior, my King.

And in that day we will worship Him with all that we are, all He has made us to be. With tremendous SHOUTS and proclamations of JOY, knowing that we are the Redeemed, and knowing fully what that means.

Be encouraged this day, beloved!! We are LOVED not just by anyone, but we are loved by THE KING!!!!!!!

Watching: Ohh there are so many things I’ve been watching, but only one worth noting: The King’s Speech (Colin Firth was very convincing, but Tim Burton’s wife [totally forgot her name] was absolutely riveting!! Def one of my top 2010 films!)
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