Lord, grant me the patience to wait, to trust in You and Your plan and Your timing.

There’s a video going around. “Worthy” is what they named it. A message of trust and patience and devotion, shot against the picturesque UCSD campus. Worthy.

The narrator reads a letter to his future bride. He tells her he will be patient, that he will wait. That he is saving his first dance, first kiss, first everything for her. And that he is not ready for her yet. He pledges his devotion, as he promises to combat everything this world tells him love is until the day the Lord ordains.

In a classic scene, the protagonist and the girl pass each other at the end of the short, not even taking a second glance.

What a beautiful reminder contrasted to all the messages about love that this world bombards us with. A reminder to be patient, to wait on God and His timing. I can’t give my first of many things, and I know there will be some heartache and possibly tears (and I’m really sorry for it…), but I know THERE IS GRACE and that I will give what I do have.

As I finally turn the corner on what has been a long season, I find that on one hand, I’ve learned much and praise God I’m being sanctified!, but on the other that my heart is just waiting to fling itself at the next almost-interesting character.

Who am I kidding? Why would I squander this amazing opportunity to just fall in love with God once again by wasting my time scoping out LA? By flitting around, flirting, and batting my eyes at the next guy who flashes a smile?

While I’m not sure if the right approach is to set a bunch of rules (for the only thing rules have gotten us is condemnation), I simply need to be still and focus on the Lord. I need to lay down my pride, my hurt, my idols, the things that I “need,” and just be His alone.

Pride. Pride is such a huge thing too. I’ll be honest. My pride was wounded gravely and then again and then again. And to build up my own glory, I desire tangible evidence to prove that I’m okay, that if he can _________, then well I can certainly do the same too.

But since when has defending my own pride ever brought glory to God? Since when has doing what I think is best ever brought me true joy? And would a new person (or attention from multiple persons even) really fill the hole that was left, a hole that God has been longing to fill all along?

For once, I think I really do know what I need, for all these desires are really just indicative of a greater, though perhaps veiled, desire for God. I don’t need that relationship, as I thought at the beginning. I don’t need vengeance, as I thought at various times after that. I don’t need to curse all men and swear to be bitter and single for the rest of my life. I don’t need to elicit as much male attention as I possibly can. No. I just need God. More of Him. More of His timing. More of His perfect plan in my life.

And one day, I’ll look back, and I’ll be filled with joy and my praises will rise to Him, just as I look back now at that day in May, and realize just how much my God is for me. His hand was covering my life. He was my shield and my fortress. He is. And He forevermore shall be.

So I will submit, and trust, and wait. Be it five months, five years, or fifty-five even! (Although, okay, five months seems more a bit doable right now… but one day at a time haha.) And as I wait, I will cultivate my relationship with HIM, my Maker, my Bridegroom, my King.

Watching: “Worthy” (Check it. Actually, I’ve other thoughts on the short too. Like how the things we do [i.e. saving our firsts] are great, but can be dangerous if they develop in us a sense of entitlement based on our works. For example, I didn’t date through high school and was very careful, so I should’ve married my first boyfriend… right!? Wrong. But isn’t that how we believe it works? Anyway might write more about this later– it’s a common fallacy that many of us [myself included] make.)

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