It’s a girl thing.
This love of details. This need to know EVERYTHING. I don’t think I’ve ever met a guy who comes even close to my own burning NEED to be in the know. It’s seriously so dumb, but it becomes a pride thing. This secret competition to be the person with the most current information on, well, anything!
Truth is, we don’t need to know everything. I don’t need to know everything. Probably 99% of the time, my little quests for knowledge, guised as holy notions (“I want to know how to better pray for them!”), are propelled by sinfulness. Pride. Anger. The need for control.
I don’t need details.
Truth is, we can so easily trick ourselves into thinking we need the play-by-play version. And so we seek it out. We investigate. We stalk. We wall-to-wall (or, er, friendship page now?). We dig deeper. We tell ourselves, if I know more, then I’ll be able to forgive, or I’ll be able to stop imagining things, or it’ll be easier to let go (yeah freakin’ right!).
Been there. Done that. I played detective. And I found out more than any kid should ever know.
The Bible says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of all knowledge.
To fear the Lord is to understand who He is, understand His character. If we understand His character, we KNOW He is just and we KNOW that in the end He will hold every person accountable for their actions. And we KNOW His Word says that every thing done in darkness WILL be brought to light. Not that it will necessarily be revealed to us, but if it is for our good, He will reveal what needs to be illuminated in the right amount, at the right time.
Tumultuous. That’s the word I should be using to describe my life right now. But for some reason, I mean, not for some reason– I guess God’s really been doing a number on my heart– I actually feel peace. Not that I’m not pissed off or hurt, but there’s finally this sense that I really can surrender it all to the Lord and let go…
Oh life. Life is so interesting right now. The legalist in me wants so badly to spring into action and make a bunch of rules because rules, they’re safe!, but instead, I’m asking for the ability to take every feeling, thought, and emotion to the throne of wisdom and grace. (UGHH… stupid emotions!)
And in the end, really I write this because I don’t trust myself and I have a tendency to lose it and go off the deep end. Haha.
Finally, if you know, you know, and as much as I realize everything’s done with good intentions, please, if you can, spare me the details. And pray. Pray for the hearts of all parties involved. Pray that God would be glorified and that His people would grow.
Listening to: Draw Me Nearer by Meredith Andrews (This song’s been amazing to me in the last year! Or, rather, God’s been amazing!!)
Christ is THE REFINER. As PJ always says, “He loves us too much to let us stay the same!!”