Oh KOST 103.5… what ever shall we do with you?
When I first discovered the radio in like 4th grade, I remember sitting for hours (okay… maybe not hours haha) listening to Love Songs on the KOST. All those deliciously romantic lyrics and gushy love letter sonnets filling my little, idealistic head!
But yes. Listened to KOST for a bit today on the drive back from tutoring. It was kind of comical as I sped down Grand shouting, “SCREW YOU KOST 103!!!!!!!” after “All My Life” started playing.
And for the first time in what feels like a very long time (and I think has been a very long time), I asked, “Why God? Why?”
Why? Why did things turn out this way?
Honestly, I don’t know. Even when people ask me, I really can’t say. Before I’d toss together a sloppy reply, citing an increase in arguments, problems with priorities, my own selfishness, a pretty dang crappy year for both parties in general, ya know, the usual break-up-y stuff.
But to be honest, none of those things were really it.
We were just together one day (in fact just weeks before, slow dancing to KC and Jojo and believing every word of it… at least on my part) and then there was just this overwhelming feeling that God was asking us, no I can’t speak for “us,” this overwhelming feeling that God was asking me if I’d give it up, if I’d put an end to it. And though I can’t speak for him, my understanding is that the conviction was mutual.
And that was that. And it was just as abrupt for me as it was for everyone else.
So I don’t know why it happened. But it did.
So what do I do now? Cut my losses and curse the heavens for a couple years of being stinkin’ “in love,” a couple precious years gone to waste!??
What I learned from that first relationship was invaluable.
Learned what to do, what not to do. Learned about the best parts of me, and about the worst. Learned about the depths of love, and the depths of sin.
And what I learned and have been learning from this first break-up has been invaluable as well.
To be honest, there are still small parts of me that want to cling to remnants of the past, but to be honest, I would not have it any other way.
As my mom always tells me (though I don’t always want to hear it), “Blessings follow obedience.”
And for the first time in probably a couple of years, I feel confident that I AM seeking out the Lord, and that I’m learning to do right, as the prophet Isaiah said.
As I mused in the car over this season in my life, a new song began playing. And that peace, you know, the one that promises to transcend all understanding, it began to fill my head… and my heart.
I’m not surprised, not everything lasts
I’ve broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up, then I let myself down
I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought of every possibility
And I know someday that it’ll all turn out
You’ll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get
I just haven’t met you yet
-“Haven’t Met You Yet” by Michael Buble
Thank You, God. Thank you, KOST.
Listening to: The Sea by Corinne Bailey Rae
Christ is the Bridegroom.