Where to start?
As I said earlier this week, I’ve been feeling soooo hopeful lately. As soon as my perspective changed (thank you, Isaiah!), I could suddenly see just how amazingly blessed this time in my life is!
Anyway, attended Passion for the Nations today. Such a powerful time of worship and further realizing the heart of God.
I’ve never out-right put it in writing. And I’ve barely ever said it, save to a few people. But… I feel like God’s put in me a heart for missions. Long-term missions. Like a year. Or two. Or five. Maybe even more.
I mean… we’ll see right? That’s the safe answer.
And if God were to explicitly, flat-out, written in lightening sort of deal call me, then yeah I’d definitely probably go for sure! (Even safer.)
I have a heart for missions. And, to quote Pastor John Lo from Epicentre, that’s not on accident. God put that passion there.
As we were praying after the last message, I felt God prompting my heart, saying this, “Melissa, I have a plan for you and whether that does or does not include missions, will you follow me?”
“Yes, Lord, yes. I will follow You.”
Maybe it was just delirium from not sleeping enough or a Holy Spirit high, but yes, God. I will follow you. Definitely haven’t been. But here’s where I turn around and decide that I want healing from my brokenness, from my sin, decide to walk in the light.
And I will say this. Finally I will say it. I want to go. I really do want to go. Yes, probably part pleasing man, part pride, part curiosity, but also, hopefully, as I am continually being renewed by the work of the cross, part Christ in me.
But then the next issue: how?
Honestly I’ve no clue. And I feel like it may not happen for a while. But I’m going to trust God. He put this desire in me (cuz heck at the beginning of China missions this summer I was totally like I LOVE AMERICA I’M NEVER EVER GONNA LEAVE AGAIN!!! Hahaha). But if He wants me to join Him one day on the missions field, He’ll make a way.
He doesn’t need my scheming. My futile planning. My well first I need to get a full-time job that has what I gage as Kingdom-value so I can learn a bunch of what I see as Christian-y skills AND pay off my loans and then well teaching English is always a good gig so get experience and a degree in that and then my parents will never let me go alone so find a missionary boyfriend work some magic and turn him into a missionary husband and hustle hustle hustle hustle until I get there… yeahhh.
None of that take control nonsense is gonna work out. At least I know that for sure. But this is seriously how I think!! Even the way I think is fallen!
So I guess I just wanted to put all this down in writing for, theoretically the world, or more like the three people that will read this (haha) to see. And for me too. So that I won’t forget. So I can remember to trust God. To wait for His plan, instead of trying to make my own way.
But again… we’ll see??
Here’s to faith that I WILL see.
This gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.
Come, Lord Jesus! Use me to hasten Your coming!!!!!