Irrelevant side note: For some reason the word “plateauing” sounds like something gross. Haha! =p
In life, we hit plateaus.
Spiritual life. Weight loss (if you look up the word, the whole first page is about it!). Learning something new.
Recovering from a broken relationship.
It’s funny. Just when I start thinking that maybe tomorrow will be the day when I wake up to completely not think about it for the rest of the day (!!), I realize it’s still going to take time.
But, for now, I’m thankful.
Thankful for this plateau. Thankful for everything God is going to teach me in it, even though that dull (but growing fainter) ache is still a daily occurrence.
It’s funny to consider now, but at first, I thought I learned everything I needed to in those first few days. I’ve learned my lesson, God!!!! I would cry, begging for Him to take all the feelings away.
But He let them persist. He let them plateau.
In my short-sightedness, I thought I had learned all I needed to after the first few days, then the first month, the second month, the second month and eight days… but really I can see now that it was in this past month that God deepened a lot of those initial convictions and then some. And I know He’s not done with me yet!
One of the sisters from Kairos told me this: use this time to just let God pursue you.
And I intend to.
Or God intends to, which is better and means more because I unfortunately forget important convictions like that rather quickly…
But yes. I’ve learned a lot. Still learning. And thankful that, as much as I’d rather get through all of this at once and pronto!, God knows better, He knows that sometimes we need to plateau.
I’m also so so soooooooo thankful I’m not where I was before: the I’m going to die stage (by far, my least favorite), the ever so popular pyro maniacal I’m going to burn everything in my path because I’m so lkjdl;fkadsj;klfjsad’fl PISSED OFF stage, and of course the but but but maybe we can work things out!! stage, just to name a few haha.
Definitely NEVER want to go through any of that again, Lord-willing!, but I mean now that I’m past those stages (for the most part) it is really quite comical!
Anyway, I can’t help but thank the Lord.
Definitely didn’t walk with Him in all of those times, but I’m realizing more and more that it’s not at all about what I do and all about who He is.
Yes. The state of my heart matters. In fact, it’s one of the most important things! But even that. It’s about conforming my heart to look more like His.
And I am so grateful to be following such a gracious, steadfast God.
These are the last two verses of Psalm 108, a Psalm that spoke so strongly to me in Beijing:
Oh give us help against the adversary,
For deliverance by man is in vain.
Through God we will do valiantly,
And it is He who shall tread down our adversaries.
As man, we try to deliver ourselves. We think we know best. We can’t bear to suffer, for happiness is our chief goal, isn’t it? And so, we try to rush through the pain. Sometimes we find a new person to idolize. Sometimes we blatantly turn to lust or other sins. Other times we indulge our anger, letting it burn and rage. And sometimes we isolate ourselves and vow to never open our heart again. (Done that, done that, done that, done that.)
We try so hard to remedy the pain, but as it says in the Psalm, deliverance by man is in vain.
What God wants is for us to wait on deliverance from Him, for He will do valiantly to tread down our adversaries.
And yes. It is a pain to wait. And sometimes that means we’ll feel like we’re plateauing, or dying even! But we must believe that God is creating something in us, some strength of character perhaps, or deepness of conviction, that could not be accomplished any other way.
Side note: This however does not mean we should be permissive and indulge ourselves in thinking about the former relationship, rekindling the flame, etc. I think sometimes we say, well God’s not taking the pain away, so let me wallow in it, fuel it with memories, mementos, myopic daydreams!
But this too, is our heart trying to force deliverance by clinging on to the person God’s asking us to let go!!!!!!
So fill that box of things and give it away! Challenge yourself to not talk about the person and ask your friends to do the same (seriously, I’ve yet to see this [people telling you stuff about your ex] help… ever.)! Go out and pamper yourself and enjoy that free drink (tehehehe, yes, vain ego boost for sure)!
So yeah. Also been there. Also done that. Just wanted to make sure I was being clear.