Survived my last first final of undergrad. Praise God!! Now for that 10 page paper I’ve yet to start (which was actually due two Thursdays ago… whoops!).
So today’s day 28 and I’m on Psalm 142.
In a couple days I’ll be done with Psalms. In a couple days I’m going to stop counting.
…and then what?
I keep thinking about that “Maybe one day…” That silly thought I cut him off at. That open end when everything seemed so final.
But I can’t cling on to that. I can’t spend any more time wondering if that came with a time frame, or if it’s something he dwells on, or if there will ever be a second chance.
A week ago I hated him for that “Maybe one day.” In the last few days, its given me a glimmer of hope.
But again, I can’t cling on any longer. I can’t keep asking God if He’d call people apart only to bring them back together in a month, a couple of months, more than a couple of months…
I keep praying for no more dreams. No more tears. No more anger. No more fear.
I walked to the bus stop today in the normal fashion thinking, “Can’t do it, can’t do it, can’t do it…”, but as I sat on the bus, I began to muse over the last 28 days and thought to myself, “I CAN. I have been. I’m okay!”
Reminds me of something people say about romantic love: It’s not that you NEED the other person to live– all you NEED is Jesus! Love is simply not wanting to live without the other person.
And then sometimes God calls us to give up what we love/want so that we can again realize that all we NEED is Him… and so we can praise Him 28 days later when we’re still alive, realizing even more the unconditional love and acceptance we have in Him.
May all other loves pale in comparison to my love for Christ as I am sanctified more and more every day.
Now on to that paper!!